he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
