dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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