i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
