the day after is always just damage control
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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