I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
