yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
