Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize