I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
