If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
