His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
