Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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