Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize