Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance

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(469): View more from Texas

i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...

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(208): View more from Idaho

And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you

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(410): View more from Maryland

i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.

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(314): View more from Missouri

You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.

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(415): View more from California

I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.

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(407): View more from Florida

i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka

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(425): View more from Washington

Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?

(206): View more from Washington

Found out I'm pregnant.

(425): View more from Washington

I'll stick with pneumonia.

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