I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
50% drunk capacity currently
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
