yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
