I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
