Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
