im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
