omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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