im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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