I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
