8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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