I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
