In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
