Dignity is for republicans.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
