I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize