You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
