i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
