I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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