Buhtt sex?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
