dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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