Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
