went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
