How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just had sex on a roof
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
