We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
