It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Still dying that you shit outside
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
