Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
