dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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