I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
