I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
