Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
