i may or may not be watching the land before time
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
