the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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