Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
