I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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