you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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