just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
