I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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