But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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