Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
