I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
