she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
