that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
