Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
