Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize