Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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