so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
