So drunk its hurt
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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