Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
worst night to have a conscience
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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