I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
