I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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