I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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