im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
