She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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