I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
