There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
