I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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