this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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