Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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