There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
