saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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