the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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