Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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