the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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