She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
