I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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