I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
