On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
