Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
