The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
