They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
