I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
