Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
