the condom got lost in my hair
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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