WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
