I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
