I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
