Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
