I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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