Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
