u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
