dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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