so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
only you would photoshop your dick
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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