I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize